SLIGHT TANGENT HERE: I have been so fortunate and happy for the care I've gotten so far from my entire team of docs. I usually don't name drop but in this case they all deserve to have the recognition. Dr. Morales did my colonoscopy and he wasn't hesitant about coming right out and saying "You definitely have colon cancer." I'm glad he didn't shy away about admitting what he knew. Some docs don't want to give a diagnosis without biopsies and second opinions. I asked him what I should do, who I should see, and he said, "Call Dr. Witta, he's one of the best." That's my oncologist. He's warm and friendly, direct and confident, and well spoken. And he's always made himself immediately available over the phone, which I really appreciate.
Another of my docs was Dr. Reveille, the one who went out of his way to come to my hospital and to hurry me in for the endoscopic ultrasound the day after my colonoscopy. He was extremely friendly and I loved his confidence when he told me, "When I get in there I will know exactly what stage you're at." He was genuinely happy that my cancer was caught fairly early and in a perfect stage for treatment and cure.
My radiation doc is Dr. Kemmis at the hospital, and he said he used to work with Dr. Witta, so that was pretty neat. At first I thought he was too young and maybe a little arrogant because he didn't seem to have the same laid back nature that the other (older) docs had. But I quickly came to like him. He's sharp, and he makes me feel he knows exactly what he's doing. I love that. Everyone in the radiation department has been wonderful. I love that feeling. There's nothing worse than going in for medical treatment and not having a good feeling or rapport with the medical staff.
I have to admit that my impression of Dr. Kemmis at first was colored by the fact that he couldn't start my radiation treatment that very day. Turns out I was the one who was a little arrogant, thinking why the hell can't they just get me started?? Why do they have to act like they can take their time, like it's no big deal??
Turns out there was a good reason I had to wait a week and a half before he could start giving me the radiation. It takes time to get prepared for my exact dose of treatment. He works with a team of people to get the dosing exactly right. They worked fast and actually got me going much faster than normal. Maybe because I work there?? Or maybe just because I continually complained that I want to be started ASAP!! I don't know. All I know is that every time Dr. Kemmis or Dr. Witta said, "It's ok, we have time. It might be a few more weeks before you start radiation but that's ok. We caught it early. The tumor really isn't growing as fast as you think it is," I wanted to scream. If I had to hear stuff like that one more time I didn't think I could contain myself anymore. But Dr. Kemmis reassured me several times. He said, "If I had cancer, I'd feel completely confident with my treatment plan because I completely understand what goes into the preparation and why it's necessary. I wouldn't be anxious or nervous because I know exactly how your treatment is going to affect your tumor, how it's going to respond, and I know that this is completely curable." I kinda hated myself for a little while, feeling so utterly helpless and jumpy about everything. But once my treatment started I calmed down right away. Because I finally knew that something was being done.
I just couldn't stand to know that I had cancer and then not be doing something about it. It was killing me! Every day that I had to wait was pure emotional agony for me. That was nobody's fault but my own, and I know I felt that way simply because I had put off getting checked out. I knew a few months after my appendicitis last year that something was wrong with me. The bleeding, the pus discharge, the pain. I put it off for months, telling myself I'd get checked out, but then putting it off again. I think deep down I was afraid to find out, telling myself that if it was something really bad I'm sure I would have known. Boy did I feel stupid for having done that. I still regret it, even though my cancer was still caught pretty early.
SO BACK TO MY REPORT ON TUESDAY, NOVEMBER 11, ON THE PHONE WITH DR. WITTA: I wanted to ask some questions. I told him that lately I've been waking up in the middle of the night feeling feverish but I check and there's no fever. But I'm so hot I have to get up and walk around, but then I come back to bed with chills. I asked if I might be having hot flashes and going through early menopause. (Dr. Kemmis, the radiation doc, said the radiation could cause that). But Dr. Witta said he didn't think so because the radiation shouldn't have reached my ovaries, that at least it shouldn't be affecting me this quickly. He asked me questions and said he wanted to see me tomorrow if that was ok because he was concerned I have an infection or abscess. He said, "I'm free tomorrow at noon."
SIDE NOTE: For all my friends out there who share many of my same spiritual beliefs, some of you told me plain and straight that I was wrong for pursuing chemo and radiation in lieu of choosing to fight the cancer with alternative medicine through diet, exercise, and lifestyle changes. But I feel completely confident with my decision. I'm not a doctor but I love medicine. And I am totally engrained in my belief and confidence in western medicine, and I stand by my attitude of being right on board with my doctors' course of treatment. It always felt right for me from the beginning and it still does. I know I'm not all the way through it yet, but I have so much faith in these guys that they know what they're doing. I have a way (as everyone does) of checking myself against my own sense of inner spiritual guidance, and I feel as confident as these docs do that things are moving along exactly as they are supposed to. I know I'm doing the right thing for me.
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