My mom has been with me to all of my appointments.  I'm so grateful to have that kind of support.  It also helps to have someone there to ask questions or to help listen so I can remember everything that was discussed.  All the docs on my team have been great, going out of their way to see me quickly and that's been a load off my mind.  I can't stand to sit around not knowing or not doing something about this cancer.  Here's what I've been through so far.

Wednesday September 10--Had the colonoscopy which found the malignant tumor.

Thursday September 11--Had the endoscopic ultrasound for another biopsy and to stage the cancer.  T3, N0, M0.  I thanked the specialist who had been called to do this procedure, who had volunteered to go out of his way to see me this quickly.  And he said, "Hey, you're family.  You come first.  We take care of each other here."  I guess word got around that I work in the hospital.  He was really confident of his diagnosis and I felt a lot of relief listening to him explain his positive expectations for my treatment.

Friday September 12--Had the consultation with an oncologist who explained that my cancer is technically Stage IIB because it's growing through the layers of the colon wall but has not reached any lymph nodes or outer layers or structures yet.  He was confident that this was not only completely treatable but also curable.  He said that I'd be taking a chemo pill called Xeloda seven days a week while receiving radiation five days a week, for nearly two months, then have about 6 weeks off, then have surgery.  We discussed insurance and where I'd have my treatment.  This doc was great...he made all the phone calls and arrangements for me.  And he gave me a sample bottle of Xeloda.  In the meantime, he said, he would be working with my insurance to figure out where to call in the rest of the prescription I'd need.  He also gave me a prescription for Vicodin for pain.  Weight 144

Sunday September 14 -- I worried all weekend because of the pain.  The Vicodin helped the pain but I didn't want to just mask it and not think about it.  The pain made me worry it meant the cancer was spreading.  I was so upset that my son suggested I call the oncologist.  It was 7:43 pm on Sunday night.  I had to leave a message.  At 8:03 he called me back.  I told him about the pain, which he said sounded like it was my left kidney and said he didn't think I needed to go to the ER.  He said he'd look at it tomorrow.

Monday September 15--I had to go to the hospital to get a CT with contrast of the chest, abdomen, and pelvis to see if there was any detection of cancer anywhere else.  (My oncologist tried to get my insurance to approve a PET CT scan but it was denied, so for now this one would have to do).  I had to drink barium which I just assumed was something thick and gross, but instead was like super-sweetened fruit-flavored water.  I was handed two 16-oz bottles of it and told to try and drink as much of it as I possibly could.  It wasn't bad, just isn't the kind of thing you would choose to drink.  After I downed the first bottle I said to Mom, "Now, in a perfect world they would have handed me a platter of bacon and asked me to try and eat as much of it as I possibly could."  She laughed.  I managed to finish off the second bottle.

After the scan Mom and I visited the office I work in to see my co-workers.  I knew everyone was concerned for me.  I'm happy that all these procedures and my treatment will be done at the hospital where I work.

After that I went back to see my oncologist for the results, and he said everything looked good.  He said there were no kidney stones.  That was a relief.  But he said I had some mild nephrosis in both kidneys, which is urine collecting in the middle of the kidney.  He had me give a blood and urine sample to check my CBC and see if I had a kidney infection.  I asked why I'm still having so much pain and why it suddenly started toward the end of August.  He said that it was probably the pain of the tumor growing through the colon wall.  And that it would likely get worse.

After that appointment Mom and I went to lunch, then later to a consultation with a surgeon.  She was the same doc who said I needed the colonoscopy.  She was honest and said that she would have her colleague do the surgery because he specializes in this type of cancer surgery.  Whereas she could certainly do the surgery but she would have to leave me with a permanent colostomy bag, he was skilled enough to do this tricky surgery being able to reattach my colon.  My tumor was in a good location for that, only leaving me with a temporary bag until the colon could heal and be reattached later.  Whew.  Another load off my mind.  She also explained my option of having a chemo port placement or not and I opted not to.

Tuesday September 16 -- Finally have an appointment with the radiation oncologist.  I say finally, but I understand this is all moving very quickly.  Like I said, I am immensely grateful for that, although psychologically none of this is moving fast enough to satisfy my mind.  This doc went over everything again and explained about the radiation treatments, how and why it would take a few days for him to get everything in order before I could actually begin radiation.  First he'd need a treatment-planning CT so they could pinpoint the exact areas I'd need the radiation, and then figure out the dosage.  He had a team including a physicist, and he'd also have to confer with the oncologist and surgeon--everyone being on the same page--before I could begin.  He wanted a PET CT too, but since I'd already been turned down he said it could be done a little bit later and that would be fine. Weight 140.8

Wednesday September 17 -- The hospital called to schedule me for my treatment-planning CT for Friday!  Today makes one week since my diagnosis.

Thursday September 18-- I called my landlord.  A few days ago I told him about my diagnosis of cancer.  Now I was calling him to see if I could get out of my lease.  I love the little house I'd been renting for the past 6 years, but the medical bills are already piling up and will be much worse and financially I knew I won't be able to make it.  I also knew that since surgery was coming up in a few months that I needed to have my mom's help.  My landlord was great about it, completely understood and thought it was what's best for me.  So, the kids and I will be moving out in October and moving in with my mom.

Friday September 19 -- This afternoon I went in for the treatment-planning CT.  Mom again was with me.  We got to talk with the radiation oncologist again who was very reassuring that they were not unnecessarily making me wait, that all this treatment planning was very important.  The doc said I'd have to give a urine sample to make sure I wasn't pregnant.  I assured him there was no way I could be but he said he had to do one anyway.  So I joked, "If you find out that I am pregnant, that'll be more of a shock than finding out I have cancer!"  Before the nurse came in to start my IV insertion I asked the doctor when he thought I could start the radiation and he said it looks like it'll be next Wednesday.  "That's my birthday," I said.  "I hope you will at least sing to me that day."  He laughed and said he would and that he'd tell everybody and they'd all sing."

The nurse had trouble getting the needle in me, so I think I'm really dehydrated because I never have trouble with my veins.  I've always been told I have great veins!  She tried my left wrist, then my right.  She finally just sent me to CT to let them do it.

In the CT room one of the techs got the IV into my left arm.  They had me lay face down on a table which had a board across my shoulders and collar bone, and one across my pelvic area.  I had to lay like that about 20 minutes or so.  Had to have my pants and undies pulled down so they could mark X's on me.  One on either hip and one at the top of my butt crack.  (My kids say that I over-share.  I just like details).  They got me in the CT scanner and then started the IV contrast which makes you feel hot all over and feels like you're peeing yourself.  And that was that.  Now I can't wait to actually get started!

When I got home I called the oncologist's office since I hadn't heard from them about my labs.  I said to the receptionist, "Since I haven't heard from you is no news good news?"  She said "Yes, usually."  She looked it up and told me that my UA was negative, no infection.  I was supposed to see the oncologist again on Monday so I asked if that was necessary, so she put him on the phone.  (Wow, I can't believe how easily I'm getting this kind of fast service!)  He said that since I got the treatment-planning CT done and they are working on the rest of it and thinking of starting on Wednesday that I didn't have to come see him on Monday.  I could make an appointment for 10 days after treatment to see how I'm doing.  And he explained that I'd be taking 4 of the Xeloda a day.  Two pills twice a day.  I repeated what he said just to make sure.  "So like two pills in the morning and two in the afternoon?"  And he said yes.  I didn't realize I'd be taking that much.  That's ok with me, I just hope I don't have any nasty side effects.  Weight 138.6

STAGING

Coming home from the hospital after finding out I have cancer was devastating.  I felt so sorry to myself because I hadn't gotten myself looked at months ago.  And sorry to my kids and my family because I felt like I had let everybody down.  But I had to keep my head on straight.  Had to start making phone calls, to an oncologist, to a surgeon, to my insurance company, to my supervisor, to family and friends.  I had to get things moving, had to take charge of this thing.  I had no idea my son was sitting at his desk crying while listening to me on the phone.  I thought he was just focused on his homework  My daughter cried openly the rest of that first day right up until bedtime.

I hadn't eaten much in the days leading up to the colonoscopy because of the amount of pain I was in.  Eating just made it worse.  By now I was so hungry I didn't care about pain, I just wanted to eat.  I decided to make a big pot of my chicken noodle soup because I thought it would be easy on my system and it just sounded good because some cooler weather was coming.  Later that afternoon I got a call from the office of the gastroenterologist who did my colonoscopy.  The woman said, "Have you eaten anything yet?"  I said, "No but I'm getting ready to."  And she said, "Don't eat.  We can get you in for an ultrasound tomorrow but you can't eat.  And you'll have to do one Fleet enema before you come in."

I remember the tears coming again at the thought of being told I couldn't eat still, the one little comfort I was so looking forward to.  This was my 2nd full day of nothing but fluids and I felt miserable.  If you know me at all you know I love to eat.  I was so hungry and weak.  I think my electrolytes were off balance or something because my muscles and joints were in pain and I was shaky.  But I stayed on the liquid diet and I did the Fleet enema, and let me just say that it's really not easy to do one of those yourself.  Fortunately I was already completely empty with a squeaky clean colon to begin with...but if I hadn't been it would have been messy.

So now it's 1:30 on my third day of a liquid diet and I was going in for this ultrasound.  I was surprised when I got there to find out it wasn't just a regular ultrasound, it was an endoscopic ultrasound and they would be giving me propofol again.  One moment I felt myself falling asleep and the next I was waking up.

They staged it as T3, N0, M0 which meant the tumor size was a 3, but no nodes were involved and no metastasis.  I remember feeling relief just knowing there were no nodes involved yet which in my mind meant I had a good chance of fighting it.

Waking up this 2nd day from the propofol left me so groggy, wobbly, and slurring my speech.  I wasn't able to come out of it fully until later that evening.  (I was so weak my brother had to help me walk to the car, and later at home my son told me not to take the stairs by myself).  My mom, my brother, and me went to pick up my son from college, then they took me home.  I remember getting into my pajamas, heating up a bowl of my homemade chicken noodle soup, and sitting down for that first bite of food in three days.  It was Heaven.