Wednesday October 29, 2014
Today was my last day of the regular radiation treatments, and tomorrow would start three days of coned-down treatments. Boosters. That means they'd be targeting a smaller area more specifically the last three days of treatment.
It went by fast today. I fell asleep. I usually do fall asleep during the treatment even though it's very uncomfortable. But I've been so tired lately mostly from not getting a full night's sleep anymore. Lately I've been up more than usual throughout the night. Usually it's to pee, but lately my bowels have been irritated and making me have frequent bowel movements. Over the weekend I had diarrhea first thing in the morning Saturday and going on until the afternoon. Then I was completely back to normal. I've also been passing a lot more mucus than normal.
My bloody-pus balls have morphed into dark red stringy mucus blobs. It looks different than before. It looks really weird. If you've read my entire blog you know I overshare and get very detailed. So listen, this isn't pleasant but I had to do it to find out. One of these enormous mucus-passing episodes looked so odd and gross I thought for a second I may have passed a large quantity of parasitic worms. I'm not being sarcastic here! Really, I mean it. I was so concerned at the odd appearance and sudden change in my "bloody pus balls" that I'd been used to, that I had no choice but to reach into the toilet bowl with my hand and scoop out all the material to see what in the heck it really was. I placed it onto a dry washcloth. It was nothing but stringy-looking mucus. Just like a huge pile of the grossest looking snot you have ever seen. I know, that's gross. But hey, at least it wasn't really parasitic worms. (I decided not to try and take a photo of it. That's too gross. My advice is that if you have weird stuff coming out, just call and make an appointment! Don't assume it's normal). Yes, I threw the washcloth away.
The Phenazopyridine really does make you pee orange, like Kool-Aid orange. So far it's not really helping with the pain and discomfort. It might take a couple days. I've been having some mild pain in my tail-bone area on the inside, but it doesn't last long. Sometimes I get cramps at night when I lay on my side in bed. But other than that I feel fine.
Today the nurse told me that now that I'm nearly done with the radiation, I'll probably start feeling more fatigued in the next few weeks because of the build-up of radiation in my body. The pain should be lessening though. She also said my labs looked very good. They had been a little low but have now come up almost to normal. So that was good to hear. Oh, and I was told I should expect to see even more mucus-passing in the weeks to come. Yippie! (Not).
Wednesday, October 29, 2014
24th DAY OF RADIATION
Tuesday October 28, 2014
Today I had to do lab work again, a blood draw for a CBC (complete blood count). And since it's Tuesday they did x-rays again.
The nurse told me that I did have a few white cells in my urine but that it wasn't enough for an actual infection. So she gave me the prescription for the Phenazopyridine. It would be three pills a day. And they would turn my urine a deep orange color.
I also found out today that the hospital would resubmit one of my medical claims. I'd been trying for weeks to get them to fix one of my medical bills. My medical insurance is squirrely and not even Cigna fully knows how it is supposed to work. I've learned, and I always make sure I'm billed correctly.
I couldn't get the doctor's office or Cigna to understand why it was billed wrong, to verify it, nor fix it. I finally got in touch with a benefits analyst at the hospital to look into it, and they got back to me saying that I was correct, that the procedure would be "pulled into Tier 1", and that the claim would be resubmitted. It meant a difference of $180 to me. This is why I scrutinize my claims to make sure I'm being billed correctly. There are ALWAYS mistakes. In the past I've had all my claims audited just to look for erroneous charges. My oncologist's office had also overcharged me, saying I had a $75 copay that I later came to find out should have only been $20! Got that straightened out a couple weeks ago. Glad this one finally got fixed too.
Yay, small victory today!
Today I had to do lab work again, a blood draw for a CBC (complete blood count). And since it's Tuesday they did x-rays again.
The nurse told me that I did have a few white cells in my urine but that it wasn't enough for an actual infection. So she gave me the prescription for the Phenazopyridine. It would be three pills a day. And they would turn my urine a deep orange color.
I also found out today that the hospital would resubmit one of my medical claims. I'd been trying for weeks to get them to fix one of my medical bills. My medical insurance is squirrely and not even Cigna fully knows how it is supposed to work. I've learned, and I always make sure I'm billed correctly.
I couldn't get the doctor's office or Cigna to understand why it was billed wrong, to verify it, nor fix it. I finally got in touch with a benefits analyst at the hospital to look into it, and they got back to me saying that I was correct, that the procedure would be "pulled into Tier 1", and that the claim would be resubmitted. It meant a difference of $180 to me. This is why I scrutinize my claims to make sure I'm being billed correctly. There are ALWAYS mistakes. In the past I've had all my claims audited just to look for erroneous charges. My oncologist's office had also overcharged me, saying I had a $75 copay that I later came to find out should have only been $20! Got that straightened out a couple weeks ago. Glad this one finally got fixed too.
Yay, small victory today!
23rd DAY OF RADIATION
Monday October 27, 2014
Today they had me using their older radiation machine since they were doing a special procedure for someone else on the other machine. This machine looked the same but wasn't completely automated, so it meant that the techs had to do a few manual steps throughout the procedure. It didn't take too much longer than normal.
Then I met with the dietitian since it's Monday. As soon as she saw me she said, "How are you doing? You look great. You look like you always have so much energy." I told her that I just try my best to hold it together and do what I have to do. My weight today was 133.1. It's been like that. A little up, a little down, but it's basically in the same area. But again, she talked to me about trying not to lose more weight so that I can be strong for my surgery. It's inevitable I'll be losing weight during that time. She asked me, "Are you eating?"
If she knew what I eat and how much she'd be telling me not to eat that much and to stop eating what I'm eating. I admit I get a very rumbly tummy from the things I eat, but sometimes it's worth it. I figure, I can eat now. I won't be able to eat like this at surgery time and probably not for several weeks after. I have no idea what to expect with having a colostomy bag. I imagine I will find out quickly what foods to avoid!
After meeting with the dietitian I saw the nurse who takes my pulse, temp, and blood pressure once a week, usually on Wednesdays. But this week my radiation doc is going on vacation so we were doing these things today.
Then I got to see my radiation doc. He said I'm doing really very well for how far into the treatment I am. I told him I'd been having some pain in my urethra and thought I may have a urinary tract infection, so he had me give a urine sample. He said if it is an infection he would give me an antibiotic, but if it wasn't then he would give me Phenazopyridine which would calm the irritation of my urinary tract. It's very common with radiation in the area of the colon for it to irritate the urinary tract. He also told me that next Monday, November 3, would be my final day of chemo and radiation. Wow, it has really gone by fast. WEIGHT 133.1
Today they had me using their older radiation machine since they were doing a special procedure for someone else on the other machine. This machine looked the same but wasn't completely automated, so it meant that the techs had to do a few manual steps throughout the procedure. It didn't take too much longer than normal.
Then I met with the dietitian since it's Monday. As soon as she saw me she said, "How are you doing? You look great. You look like you always have so much energy." I told her that I just try my best to hold it together and do what I have to do. My weight today was 133.1. It's been like that. A little up, a little down, but it's basically in the same area. But again, she talked to me about trying not to lose more weight so that I can be strong for my surgery. It's inevitable I'll be losing weight during that time. She asked me, "Are you eating?"
If she knew what I eat and how much she'd be telling me not to eat that much and to stop eating what I'm eating. I admit I get a very rumbly tummy from the things I eat, but sometimes it's worth it. I figure, I can eat now. I won't be able to eat like this at surgery time and probably not for several weeks after. I have no idea what to expect with having a colostomy bag. I imagine I will find out quickly what foods to avoid!
After meeting with the dietitian I saw the nurse who takes my pulse, temp, and blood pressure once a week, usually on Wednesdays. But this week my radiation doc is going on vacation so we were doing these things today.
Then I got to see my radiation doc. He said I'm doing really very well for how far into the treatment I am. I told him I'd been having some pain in my urethra and thought I may have a urinary tract infection, so he had me give a urine sample. He said if it is an infection he would give me an antibiotic, but if it wasn't then he would give me Phenazopyridine which would calm the irritation of my urinary tract. It's very common with radiation in the area of the colon for it to irritate the urinary tract. He also told me that next Monday, November 3, would be my final day of chemo and radiation. Wow, it has really gone by fast. WEIGHT 133.1
21st DAY OF RADIATION
Thursday October 23, 2014
Nothing very eventful today. I'm nearing the end of my chemo and radiation treatment. 28 doses will be the total. The end of phase I. The next phase will be when I go in for surgery. I'm only a little bit nervous about that but I know it's completely necessary.
I remember a couple years ago when I finally got around to planning having carpal tunnel surgery. I'd put it off as long as I could. I knew I would take a small financial hit for it, being on short-term disability and getting less pay, but I had planned for it so it was ok. Then a week after my surgery we learned that my son David would need surgery! Ugh! Why do things always work out that way? We discovered he had a pilonidal cyst that we caught fairly early, but surgery was necessary and urgent. Another medical financial hit.
The following year, last year, I swore I wouldn't have another surgery nor anything big medically, but just to be on the safe side I made good choices for my medical coverage. Then I got the appendicitis. Ugh! Another surgery. After that I told myself, Ok, that's gotta be it for a while. I'm young and healthy and I need a break from the big stuff. Then this year comes along. Yep, I got cancer. OMG! It's frustrating not being in power of your health in the grand scheme of things. I was only 43, didn't know I had a polyp for God only knows how long, and that one polyp decided to turn into cancer. I wonder what the odds are on that. I wish our healthcare system was actually more focused on preventative maintenance and medicine. I think colonoscopies should be moved from age 50 to 40. And mammograms should be at 30. Maybe the odds are greater that polyps turn into cancer more after the age of 50, but because it can happen younger than that, that's enough reason to do checks earlier! That's what preventative means!
I better not come up with any more diseases or surgeries next year, so help me. If they keep removing body parts from me, soon there won't be anything left :) WEIGHT 132.8
Saturday, October 25, 2014
20th DAY OF RADIATION
Wednesday October 22, 2014
My period started last Sunday, and on last Wednesday when I saw my radiation oncologist doctor I mentioned that my period was very light, when typically it's quite heavy the first few days. He said that the radiation would sterilize me and lead me into an early menopause, so he wasn't surprised. I remember him mentioning that the first day we met, but I could tell that now with him bringing it up again he was trying to be sensitive to how that might make me feel. I reassured him that I couldn't care less. "Hey, I've done my part. I've had my babies. I'm done producing humans!" Then my period went on to continue for 9 days! It finally stopped yesterday.
The sloughing of dead tumor material seems to be coming more frequently. This morning when I got up for work I could tell that I needed to pass some. My gut hurts a certain way and I can tell that tissue is falling off. I have to push as if having a bowel movement to push it out, and it's only tumor material (not feces) that comes out. Sometimes it's only a few small pebble sized blobs, but sometimes it's as much as half a handful of material. I realize now that this material is what I was noticing coming out of me since last December, what I called the "bloody pus balls". Back then they were more white pus-like blobs with a little blood inside them. Now they are more completely reddish-pink blobs, but I can tell they have the same material makeup. Now I know what they are---the sloughing off of dead tissue from the chemo/radiation treatment.
Back as far as 9 months ago I suspected this material was some kind of "sloughing off" of something but I never realized nor suspected cancer. Maybe I'll consider somehow getting a photo of it to post on here. Not to be gross, but to be informative. Honestly. If there is someone out there who could see this material and who realizes they are seeing themselves passing the same kind of thing, it would be extremely beneficial in informing them of what they have and to seek medical attention sooner than I did.
I can't tell you how many Google search attempts I made trying to find out what in the hell was coming out of me. For all my descriptive combinations of attempts, the only information on the Internet I could find was along the lines of "Blood in your stools may be a sign of cancer." Well that was nonhelpful because I didn't have blood in my stools, not that I could see. I had these weird blobs of bloody-pus-like material coming out of me. A photo of exactly what I was experiencing was what I was looking for. Imagine a fluffy homemade dumpling that is floating in broth, and the edges look a little fraying, with a red tinge in the middle. These were coming out periodically for months, about the size of a garbanzo bean.
Anyway, so it's not alarming to be passing all this dead tissue now. It means my treatment is doing its job. I suppose the reason it was sloughing off months ago is just because tissue inside me was being destroyed by the cancer and falling off. Now the radiation is causing it to slough off even faster. That's great! I'm interested to see how much of the tumor (or how little of the tumor) is left after my treatment and before surgery. I don't know if they'll take another look inside me before surgery or just wait til surgery to see what's left in there. Someone asked me if the tumor shrinks enough to where it's gone, does it mean I still have to have surgery. The answer is, I still need surgery. And I still want surgery! You can't see every single cell, and you don't want anything to be missed that could start growing again.
I still have the dry-mouth side effect from my chemo pills. But after I drink a glass or two of water I'm fine. I just need to remember to do that several times a day. I usually don't remember until I feel the dry mouth.
The Aquaphor isn't helping much. I like Chap Stick more. My dry, cracked finger tips are improving because I'm constantly putting lip balm on them. I can tell now that this side effect is from the chemo and not just because of the weather or from last week's cleaning frenzy. My radiation doc looked at my fingers and said it's definitely from the Xeloda. The skin on several of my fingertips has peeled off several layers down to very red, tender skin that sometimes bleeds. It's extremely sensitive and painful to the touch. If I let them go without the lip balm, the edges of the peeled skin starts to dry and get hard, you're temped to want to peel it off, but that causes even more pain and worsening.
So what I've been doing is using an emery board to swiftly shave off that dry, stiff skin to where the surface of my fingertips is smooth----and yes it really hurts to do that, but it's worth it. And then I apply the lip balm. It means I can't touch anything unless I don't mind getting lip balm on everything I touch (keyboard, cell phone, etc) but I just apply it several times a day when I can sit and not have to be doing anything that requires fingertips. I do things differently to accommodate this. Like, you can drive with keeping your fingers pointed in the air. And I use a stylus on my cell phone. But the keyboard...I have to use my tips for that. Typing is slower because it really hurts. But if I have to mess up the balm or wash my hands after doing something, then as soon as I'm done I apply the balm again. It works incredibly well. The deep cracks are healing. The new skin is building up and being less sensitive. I'm not bleeding anymore. WEIGHT 134.6
My period started last Sunday, and on last Wednesday when I saw my radiation oncologist doctor I mentioned that my period was very light, when typically it's quite heavy the first few days. He said that the radiation would sterilize me and lead me into an early menopause, so he wasn't surprised. I remember him mentioning that the first day we met, but I could tell that now with him bringing it up again he was trying to be sensitive to how that might make me feel. I reassured him that I couldn't care less. "Hey, I've done my part. I've had my babies. I'm done producing humans!" Then my period went on to continue for 9 days! It finally stopped yesterday.
The sloughing of dead tumor material seems to be coming more frequently. This morning when I got up for work I could tell that I needed to pass some. My gut hurts a certain way and I can tell that tissue is falling off. I have to push as if having a bowel movement to push it out, and it's only tumor material (not feces) that comes out. Sometimes it's only a few small pebble sized blobs, but sometimes it's as much as half a handful of material. I realize now that this material is what I was noticing coming out of me since last December, what I called the "bloody pus balls". Back then they were more white pus-like blobs with a little blood inside them. Now they are more completely reddish-pink blobs, but I can tell they have the same material makeup. Now I know what they are---the sloughing off of dead tissue from the chemo/radiation treatment.
Back as far as 9 months ago I suspected this material was some kind of "sloughing off" of something but I never realized nor suspected cancer. Maybe I'll consider somehow getting a photo of it to post on here. Not to be gross, but to be informative. Honestly. If there is someone out there who could see this material and who realizes they are seeing themselves passing the same kind of thing, it would be extremely beneficial in informing them of what they have and to seek medical attention sooner than I did.
I can't tell you how many Google search attempts I made trying to find out what in the hell was coming out of me. For all my descriptive combinations of attempts, the only information on the Internet I could find was along the lines of "Blood in your stools may be a sign of cancer." Well that was nonhelpful because I didn't have blood in my stools, not that I could see. I had these weird blobs of bloody-pus-like material coming out of me. A photo of exactly what I was experiencing was what I was looking for. Imagine a fluffy homemade dumpling that is floating in broth, and the edges look a little fraying, with a red tinge in the middle. These were coming out periodically for months, about the size of a garbanzo bean.
Anyway, so it's not alarming to be passing all this dead tissue now. It means my treatment is doing its job. I suppose the reason it was sloughing off months ago is just because tissue inside me was being destroyed by the cancer and falling off. Now the radiation is causing it to slough off even faster. That's great! I'm interested to see how much of the tumor (or how little of the tumor) is left after my treatment and before surgery. I don't know if they'll take another look inside me before surgery or just wait til surgery to see what's left in there. Someone asked me if the tumor shrinks enough to where it's gone, does it mean I still have to have surgery. The answer is, I still need surgery. And I still want surgery! You can't see every single cell, and you don't want anything to be missed that could start growing again.
I still have the dry-mouth side effect from my chemo pills. But after I drink a glass or two of water I'm fine. I just need to remember to do that several times a day. I usually don't remember until I feel the dry mouth.
The Aquaphor isn't helping much. I like Chap Stick more. My dry, cracked finger tips are improving because I'm constantly putting lip balm on them. I can tell now that this side effect is from the chemo and not just because of the weather or from last week's cleaning frenzy. My radiation doc looked at my fingers and said it's definitely from the Xeloda. The skin on several of my fingertips has peeled off several layers down to very red, tender skin that sometimes bleeds. It's extremely sensitive and painful to the touch. If I let them go without the lip balm, the edges of the peeled skin starts to dry and get hard, you're temped to want to peel it off, but that causes even more pain and worsening.
So what I've been doing is using an emery board to swiftly shave off that dry, stiff skin to where the surface of my fingertips is smooth----and yes it really hurts to do that, but it's worth it. And then I apply the lip balm. It means I can't touch anything unless I don't mind getting lip balm on everything I touch (keyboard, cell phone, etc) but I just apply it several times a day when I can sit and not have to be doing anything that requires fingertips. I do things differently to accommodate this. Like, you can drive with keeping your fingers pointed in the air. And I use a stylus on my cell phone. But the keyboard...I have to use my tips for that. Typing is slower because it really hurts. But if I have to mess up the balm or wash my hands after doing something, then as soon as I'm done I apply the balm again. It works incredibly well. The deep cracks are healing. The new skin is building up and being less sensitive. I'm not bleeding anymore. WEIGHT 134.6
19th DAY OF RADIATION
Tuesday October 21, 2014
Tuesdays I go in to the lab for blood work. And at my radiation appointment I get x-rays. WEIGHT 134.6
Tuesdays I go in to the lab for blood work. And at my radiation appointment I get x-rays. WEIGHT 134.6
18th DAY OF RADIATION
Monday October 20, 2014
The gals at my radiation oncology center make my day, and I only see them a few minutes. Everyone is so fun and friendly and we joke a lot. The routine has become so normal for me that it's hardly a big deal anymore going in for it, except that it's an interruption in my day especially when it's my day off work. But I'm no longer nervous. The hard table isn't annoying anymore because the 15 or 20 minutes I'm in there is so routine that it just flies by. I mostly just focus on the music playing on a portable stereo they have in the room. About three to three and a half songs and my radiation treatment is done.
My dietitian reminded me to be drinking a lot of water to stay hydrated. I mentioned that I've noticed some pain with urination and it feels like I can't get it to come out. She said if it continues then I need to mention it to the nurses tomorrow. She also keeps mentioning that she doesn't want me losing any more weight so that I can be strong for my surgery. I'll be losing enough weight from the surgery, so she doesn't want me to be underweight then. I haven't been trying to lose weight, it's just from how busy I've been, on my feet constantly for several days now trying to get everything moved and get the house cleaned. Now I'm living out of boxes until everything gets unpacked and in place, so it's been pretty hectic lately. I'm feeling so frazzled. But I'm eating enough. When things settle down I'll better be able to take her advice and eat little snacks throughout the day rather than a big meal for dinner. WEIGHT 134.8
The gals at my radiation oncology center make my day, and I only see them a few minutes. Everyone is so fun and friendly and we joke a lot. The routine has become so normal for me that it's hardly a big deal anymore going in for it, except that it's an interruption in my day especially when it's my day off work. But I'm no longer nervous. The hard table isn't annoying anymore because the 15 or 20 minutes I'm in there is so routine that it just flies by. I mostly just focus on the music playing on a portable stereo they have in the room. About three to three and a half songs and my radiation treatment is done.
My dietitian reminded me to be drinking a lot of water to stay hydrated. I mentioned that I've noticed some pain with urination and it feels like I can't get it to come out. She said if it continues then I need to mention it to the nurses tomorrow. She also keeps mentioning that she doesn't want me losing any more weight so that I can be strong for my surgery. I'll be losing enough weight from the surgery, so she doesn't want me to be underweight then. I haven't been trying to lose weight, it's just from how busy I've been, on my feet constantly for several days now trying to get everything moved and get the house cleaned. Now I'm living out of boxes until everything gets unpacked and in place, so it's been pretty hectic lately. I'm feeling so frazzled. But I'm eating enough. When things settle down I'll better be able to take her advice and eat little snacks throughout the day rather than a big meal for dinner. WEIGHT 134.8
17th DAY OF RADIATION
Friday October 17, 2014
I'm now more stressed out about the move and hoping my landlord finds a new renter by November 1st than I am about my cancer and my treatment. I'm trying to stay positive, and it's really helped to be so physically active and busy that I have no time to dwell or worry, but I can't help worrying. I hope I've made the right decision by doing this move at this time. The kids are handling it very well and they keep telling me to stop worrying about this decision because it was the best thing I could do financially. As soon as a new tenant is found I'll feel relief knowing that I can begin to recover financially. It's only been about 5 weeks since my cancer diagnosis and already my medical bills are close to a couple thousand. WEIGHT 132.8
I'm now more stressed out about the move and hoping my landlord finds a new renter by November 1st than I am about my cancer and my treatment. I'm trying to stay positive, and it's really helped to be so physically active and busy that I have no time to dwell or worry, but I can't help worrying. I hope I've made the right decision by doing this move at this time. The kids are handling it very well and they keep telling me to stop worrying about this decision because it was the best thing I could do financially. As soon as a new tenant is found I'll feel relief knowing that I can begin to recover financially. It's only been about 5 weeks since my cancer diagnosis and already my medical bills are close to a couple thousand. WEIGHT 132.8
15th DAY OF RADIATION
Wednesday October 15, 2014
Today my radiation doc pointed out I'm just past halfway in my treatment course. I can't believe it's gone by this fast.
I'm still not seeing much in the way of side effects except for the continued dry mouth, but all I do is down a couple big glasses of water and I'm fine. I'm not having the dizziness (or the lights) anymore. I've noticed that my finger tips are very numb to where I can barely feel anything that I touch. My finger tips feel fat but they look normal, except for some peeling and cracking skin. But with all the cleaning work I've been doing on the house, I can't blame the skin problem on only the treatment. One of my radiation techs gave me a bunch of samples of Aquaphor. It's similar to Vaseline. My radiation doc says I'm doing very well. WEIGHT 135
Today my radiation doc pointed out I'm just past halfway in my treatment course. I can't believe it's gone by this fast.
I'm still not seeing much in the way of side effects except for the continued dry mouth, but all I do is down a couple big glasses of water and I'm fine. I'm not having the dizziness (or the lights) anymore. I've noticed that my finger tips are very numb to where I can barely feel anything that I touch. My finger tips feel fat but they look normal, except for some peeling and cracking skin. But with all the cleaning work I've been doing on the house, I can't blame the skin problem on only the treatment. One of my radiation techs gave me a bunch of samples of Aquaphor. It's similar to Vaseline. My radiation doc says I'm doing very well. WEIGHT 135
14th DAY OF RADIATION
Tuesday October 14, 2014
Today I moved my radiation appointment to 9:45 am so that I could take David to school (college), then go to the hospital, stop by for blood work, then go to my rad appointment. It worked out great. Then I was able to focus on my day of more cleaning.
Today I moved my radiation appointment to 9:45 am so that I could take David to school (college), then go to the hospital, stop by for blood work, then go to my rad appointment. It worked out great. Then I was able to focus on my day of more cleaning.
13th DAY OF RADIATION
Monday October 13, 2014
I was off this weekend for the move and also took this Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday off so I could concentrate on getting everything moved, then clean, clean, clean! So I've been busy cleaning the house all day and had to take a mid day break to shower and then go to my radiation appointment. It’s like, these appointments mess up anything else I’m doing, but then again I’m not complaining. It’s just that I’m so busy these days it’s hard to focus on my personal needs. The dietitian was a tiny bit concerned that I’ve lost 2 pounds again. But I told her it’s the move and that I’m constantly on my feet walking. WEIGHT 136.4.
I was off this weekend for the move and also took this Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday off so I could concentrate on getting everything moved, then clean, clean, clean! So I've been busy cleaning the house all day and had to take a mid day break to shower and then go to my radiation appointment. It’s like, these appointments mess up anything else I’m doing, but then again I’m not complaining. It’s just that I’m so busy these days it’s hard to focus on my personal needs. The dietitian was a tiny bit concerned that I’ve lost 2 pounds again. But I told her it’s the move and that I’m constantly on my feet walking. WEIGHT 136.4.
12th DAY OF RADIATION
Friday, October 10, 2014
Tomorrow is the day of the big move, where several friends have volunteered to come help. U-Haul, storage unit, pickup trucks, loads to the Good Will. It will be a busy day. I scheduled Comcast today to come to Mom's and transfer my service to her house and to install a TV cable in one room and Internet cable in another. Comcast was sucking more than usual today. Weeks ago when I scheduled the transfer I was told to pick when I wanted my service changed so I picked the 10 am to 12 pm slot. Of course that means they turn off your connection at 1 am, not 10 am and that I was supposed to just magically know that. Of course it would have been nice had I been informed that that's how it works. And of course the Comcast technicians two boys who looked no more than 18 years old) showed up at 12:30 pm instead of anywhere between 10 and 12 like they were supposed to. They were still at Mom’s house when it was time for me to leave for my radiation treatment, so I called and asked if I could come an hour later. It was fine. It was good I stayed because now we have the new “cloud” DVRs and the X1 something or other. Anyway, it’s all new to me and they had to give me a tutorial on how to operate the TV.
When I got to my appointment a woman was also waiting for radiation. I could tell she had breast cancer since she was wearing a gown. (All I have to do is pull my pants and undies down). She asked me how I was handling everything and if the treatment was making me tired. I told her how I was in the middle of moving and that I didn’t have time to even think about my cancer or treatment, and that I can’t really tell which is making me more tired. I think it’s good that I’m so busy and keeping my mind off my health, but on the other hand I really do need to be taking more care of myself right now. I know that I’m overdoing it.
Anyway, the woman was visibly still upset about her diagnosis, having already had surgery and now going through the chemo/radiation part. We realized we'd been diagnosed pretty close to the same time. Then she asked if I'd told anyone yet about my cancer, and I said, "I tell everybody." She was surprised. She said it took her a long time to even discuss it with her family, and that she doesn't want everyone she knows to know about it. She said it's just too weird letting anyone know what she's going through. I could tell she was still where I used to be in my fear of it all. So I said, "I've found that mentioning it to anyone, even strangers, brings out a natural response of kind words of comfort. It's painful and brings on the tears, but eventually your fear breaks down and you find it easier to accept the kindness and the comfort. It helps bridge the gap of your old identity and your new present one. No matter what, you need to make peace with it inside yourself, so every little bit of comfort really goes a long way toward that." It really felt like what I said helped her. I hope so.
Tomorrow is the day of the big move, where several friends have volunteered to come help. U-Haul, storage unit, pickup trucks, loads to the Good Will. It will be a busy day. I scheduled Comcast today to come to Mom's and transfer my service to her house and to install a TV cable in one room and Internet cable in another. Comcast was sucking more than usual today. Weeks ago when I scheduled the transfer I was told to pick when I wanted my service changed so I picked the 10 am to 12 pm slot. Of course that means they turn off your connection at 1 am, not 10 am and that I was supposed to just magically know that. Of course it would have been nice had I been informed that that's how it works. And of course the Comcast technicians two boys who looked no more than 18 years old) showed up at 12:30 pm instead of anywhere between 10 and 12 like they were supposed to. They were still at Mom’s house when it was time for me to leave for my radiation treatment, so I called and asked if I could come an hour later. It was fine. It was good I stayed because now we have the new “cloud” DVRs and the X1 something or other. Anyway, it’s all new to me and they had to give me a tutorial on how to operate the TV.
When I got to my appointment a woman was also waiting for radiation. I could tell she had breast cancer since she was wearing a gown. (All I have to do is pull my pants and undies down). She asked me how I was handling everything and if the treatment was making me tired. I told her how I was in the middle of moving and that I didn’t have time to even think about my cancer or treatment, and that I can’t really tell which is making me more tired. I think it’s good that I’m so busy and keeping my mind off my health, but on the other hand I really do need to be taking more care of myself right now. I know that I’m overdoing it.
Anyway, the woman was visibly still upset about her diagnosis, having already had surgery and now going through the chemo/radiation part. We realized we'd been diagnosed pretty close to the same time. Then she asked if I'd told anyone yet about my cancer, and I said, "I tell everybody." She was surprised. She said it took her a long time to even discuss it with her family, and that she doesn't want everyone she knows to know about it. She said it's just too weird letting anyone know what she's going through. I could tell she was still where I used to be in my fear of it all. So I said, "I've found that mentioning it to anyone, even strangers, brings out a natural response of kind words of comfort. It's painful and brings on the tears, but eventually your fear breaks down and you find it easier to accept the kindness and the comfort. It helps bridge the gap of your old identity and your new present one. No matter what, you need to make peace with it inside yourself, so every little bit of comfort really goes a long way toward that." It really felt like what I said helped her. I hope so.
10th DAY OF RADIATION
Wednesday October 8, 2014.
I was upped from 2 pills of the Xeloda twice a day seven days a week, to 3 pills twice a day Monday through Friday. I asked why and the oncology doc said that this is my max dose, that he started me low to see how I was tolerating it, and that since I was tolerating it extremely well it was time to up me to the max. I hope I don’t now start seeing side effects! So far the only real side effect has been having such a dry mouth. Oh, and I did have a couple bouts of diarrhea, but only one time each and then the rest of the day I was fine. I don’t think it had anything to do with what I’ve been eating, although I’m still eating actual meals even though I’ve been told to eat only small snacks. I can’t help it, I’m starving. With all the packing, moving, and now cleaning, I’m so hungry by the end of the day and it feels good to eat up a solid meal. Weight 138.6
I was informed that my insurance finally approved my chemo pills but that my copay would be $250 after they calculated exactly how many pills I’d need now on my new dose.
When I saw my radiation doc today I told him about the "lights" and the dizziness. He said it's definitely due to dehydration, that when the body is dehydrated, the brain isn't getting enough blood upon standing so it causes the dizziness. And the lights were probably due to twitching in my eye muscles. He said I need to definitely be drinking lots of water. WEIGHT 138.6
I was upped from 2 pills of the Xeloda twice a day seven days a week, to 3 pills twice a day Monday through Friday. I asked why and the oncology doc said that this is my max dose, that he started me low to see how I was tolerating it, and that since I was tolerating it extremely well it was time to up me to the max. I hope I don’t now start seeing side effects! So far the only real side effect has been having such a dry mouth. Oh, and I did have a couple bouts of diarrhea, but only one time each and then the rest of the day I was fine. I don’t think it had anything to do with what I’ve been eating, although I’m still eating actual meals even though I’ve been told to eat only small snacks. I can’t help it, I’m starving. With all the packing, moving, and now cleaning, I’m so hungry by the end of the day and it feels good to eat up a solid meal. Weight 138.6
I was informed that my insurance finally approved my chemo pills but that my copay would be $250 after they calculated exactly how many pills I’d need now on my new dose.
When I saw my radiation doc today I told him about the "lights" and the dizziness. He said it's definitely due to dehydration, that when the body is dehydrated, the brain isn't getting enough blood upon standing so it causes the dizziness. And the lights were probably due to twitching in my eye muscles. He said I need to definitely be drinking lots of water. WEIGHT 138.6
8th DAY OF RADIATION
Monday, October 6, 2014
I have been very dehydrated, to the point of nearly passing out when I stand up. I realize it now. All I need to do is remember to drink lots of water throughout the day and the dizziness subsides. Tonight I got up to check my email, was fine, then came back downstairs and sat down and noticed there were lights dancing around the living room. I said to the kids, "What in the world is that? What's happening, do you see that?" My kids told me it was just me, that there wasn't anything there. I could see lights zooming across the walls and ceiling. After about 10 seconds it quit, and I realized it wasn't real.
My dietitian says it's ok if my weight only goes up or down a couple pounds, and that any little loss should be due to burning fat rather than muscle wasting. I assured her that I eat, eat, eat, and that the weight loss (from my original 140) has been due to being in my feet all day. I didn't tell her that I was 144 in September. I was even as much as 155 last summer. I can't say for sure the weight loss since then was due to cancer. It's more likely that it was due to the fact that I had a lot of pain most days and found I wasn't able to eat like I normally used to. WEIGHT 137.7
I have been very dehydrated, to the point of nearly passing out when I stand up. I realize it now. All I need to do is remember to drink lots of water throughout the day and the dizziness subsides. Tonight I got up to check my email, was fine, then came back downstairs and sat down and noticed there were lights dancing around the living room. I said to the kids, "What in the world is that? What's happening, do you see that?" My kids told me it was just me, that there wasn't anything there. I could see lights zooming across the walls and ceiling. After about 10 seconds it quit, and I realized it wasn't real.
My dietitian says it's ok if my weight only goes up or down a couple pounds, and that any little loss should be due to burning fat rather than muscle wasting. I assured her that I eat, eat, eat, and that the weight loss (from my original 140) has been due to being in my feet all day. I didn't tell her that I was 144 in September. I was even as much as 155 last summer. I can't say for sure the weight loss since then was due to cancer. It's more likely that it was due to the fact that I had a lot of pain most days and found I wasn't able to eat like I normally used to. WEIGHT 137.7
THIS WEEK'S UPDATES
I didn't take daily notes this entire week so it's a blur now. I've been packing, selling my furniture, taking emails and calls about the rental house and setting up showings, and trying to keep the house presentable while doing it all. It's weird not having my couch to sit on. I was really gonna miss my little house but with all this chaos I'm just eager to get out now. I'm so tired, but on the other hand all this physical activity is great for my diabetes and blood pressure, not to mention the good brain chemicals. I actually feel pretty good, aside from being wiped out each evening.
Wednesday, October 22, 2014
7th DAY OF RADIATION
Friday October 3, 2014
I really had my mind set on getting a lot of packing done today but I ended up being extremely dizzy all day long. Each time I got up and walked, the room would spin and I'd have to stand still and hold onto something until it subsided. I wonder if it's the Xeloda pills? I also noticed that the pills are making my mouth feel so dry. It lasts for several hours and then goes away, but by then it's time to take the second set. I take two pills in the morning and two in the evening. I think those are the only side effects I'm having right now.
My radiation treatment today went fine, didn't take too long. Another friend came by this afternoon to buy my Elliptical Trainer and my 9-foot Christmas tree. I'm trying to sell all the things that I can't take with me when we move. Plus I could use the extra money. She liked them but couldn't get them into her car and planned to come back on Saturday with her dad's truck.
I noticed that I've hit my out-of-pocket maximum on my health insurance. Too bad this cancer didn't get caught earlier in the year for that reason alone! But I'm calculating the days of my treatment and seeing that it's definitely feasible for me to have my colon surgery before the end of the year. With 28 doses of radiation, then waiting 6 weeks, that puts me at December 15th. If I can get the surgery before the new year at least it will be paid for! I hate that insurance always changes with the new year. And as usual, premiums are going up, co-pays are going up, and deductibles and out-of-pocket maximums are going up. It's so unfair. It makes it so you can never get much advantage. By the time you're close, it's the end of the year. And the raise I make each year gets eaten up by the increase in my insurance premium! It's so frustrating. I am definitely going to talk to all my docs on my cancer team and make sure they get me scheduled for surgery and out of the hospital before the end of the year.
I really had my mind set on getting a lot of packing done today but I ended up being extremely dizzy all day long. Each time I got up and walked, the room would spin and I'd have to stand still and hold onto something until it subsided. I wonder if it's the Xeloda pills? I also noticed that the pills are making my mouth feel so dry. It lasts for several hours and then goes away, but by then it's time to take the second set. I take two pills in the morning and two in the evening. I think those are the only side effects I'm having right now.
My radiation treatment today went fine, didn't take too long. Another friend came by this afternoon to buy my Elliptical Trainer and my 9-foot Christmas tree. I'm trying to sell all the things that I can't take with me when we move. Plus I could use the extra money. She liked them but couldn't get them into her car and planned to come back on Saturday with her dad's truck.
I noticed that I've hit my out-of-pocket maximum on my health insurance. Too bad this cancer didn't get caught earlier in the year for that reason alone! But I'm calculating the days of my treatment and seeing that it's definitely feasible for me to have my colon surgery before the end of the year. With 28 doses of radiation, then waiting 6 weeks, that puts me at December 15th. If I can get the surgery before the new year at least it will be paid for! I hate that insurance always changes with the new year. And as usual, premiums are going up, co-pays are going up, and deductibles and out-of-pocket maximums are going up. It's so unfair. It makes it so you can never get much advantage. By the time you're close, it's the end of the year. And the raise I make each year gets eaten up by the increase in my insurance premium! It's so frustrating. I am definitely going to talk to all my docs on my cancer team and make sure they get me scheduled for surgery and out of the hospital before the end of the year.
6th DAY OF RADIATION
Thursday October 2, 2014
It was another busy and overwhelming day. It's been like that the last two weeks since I decided to move. Having all these appointments, trying to pack, working full time, and keeping the house in show-home appearance has all been so overwhelming. I haven't had time to adequately take care of myself, but on the other hand it's been nice to be busy and focus on things that I can get done and can control. I still feel a lot of relief now that my chemo and radiation are underway because it lets me know that we're doing something about the cancer. The wait is the hard part. This long process ahead of me is hard too. But I'm keeping my focus on the end result.
So today I had to take my mom to the hospital so she could have a bronchoscopy. Her doc had incidentally found a spot in her left lung this summer while she was in the hospital having her hip replaced. Then he found another spot. Last week she had a PET-CT which lit up and now she was to have this bronchoscopy. I picked her up at 7:30 in the morning and got her to the hospital. Then I drove back home to get the kids to school. Abby's a senior in high school and David a freshman in college. I like to joke with my kids all the time. I teased them at the beginning of the school year by saying, "Hey Abby, you're finally higher than David. You're a senior and he's only a Freshman. And guess what? You and Grandma now have something in common!" Ha ha. (One thing I really want to aim for soon is getting the kids a car. It's getting to be too much for me to be driving all over the place every day).
So I got the kids to school and then came back home to take a shower. I had time to do a little straightening up of the house and a little packing, but then I had to head back to the hospital. I had arranged to move my radiation appointment for 10:45 am instead of 1:45 pm, so that afterwards I could just go pick up Mom. Her bronchoscopy was supposed to be done around 11:00 am.
My radiation appointment went fine, didn't take too long, and I wasn't uncomfortable. I still didn't have any more abdominal pain. When I went to find Mom they couldn't locate her! It took about 20 minutes before they finally realized where she was. She was doing great after her procedure and was able to be taken home at about 11:45. I took her back to my house and she laid on the couch and watched TV and doze. I had to pick up Abby from school at 2:30. An old friend was coming by to take a look at the house at 3:30 because she and her husband are looking for a place to rent. By 4 pm it was time to go pick up David from college. On the way back we took Mom home since she was feeling better and wanted to be in her own home.
The kids and I stopped at King Soopers to get dinner makings. I was craving making bacon cheeseburgers so that's what we did. It really hit the spot. I know I shouldn't be eating a big meal but I really love food and have been food-deprived for a couple months now. It really was a good burger. The kids and I didn't get any more packing done that day. Days like this with all this running around, I just can't get anything accomplished that I need to.
It was another busy and overwhelming day. It's been like that the last two weeks since I decided to move. Having all these appointments, trying to pack, working full time, and keeping the house in show-home appearance has all been so overwhelming. I haven't had time to adequately take care of myself, but on the other hand it's been nice to be busy and focus on things that I can get done and can control. I still feel a lot of relief now that my chemo and radiation are underway because it lets me know that we're doing something about the cancer. The wait is the hard part. This long process ahead of me is hard too. But I'm keeping my focus on the end result.
So today I had to take my mom to the hospital so she could have a bronchoscopy. Her doc had incidentally found a spot in her left lung this summer while she was in the hospital having her hip replaced. Then he found another spot. Last week she had a PET-CT which lit up and now she was to have this bronchoscopy. I picked her up at 7:30 in the morning and got her to the hospital. Then I drove back home to get the kids to school. Abby's a senior in high school and David a freshman in college. I like to joke with my kids all the time. I teased them at the beginning of the school year by saying, "Hey Abby, you're finally higher than David. You're a senior and he's only a Freshman. And guess what? You and Grandma now have something in common!" Ha ha. (One thing I really want to aim for soon is getting the kids a car. It's getting to be too much for me to be driving all over the place every day).
So I got the kids to school and then came back home to take a shower. I had time to do a little straightening up of the house and a little packing, but then I had to head back to the hospital. I had arranged to move my radiation appointment for 10:45 am instead of 1:45 pm, so that afterwards I could just go pick up Mom. Her bronchoscopy was supposed to be done around 11:00 am.
My radiation appointment went fine, didn't take too long, and I wasn't uncomfortable. I still didn't have any more abdominal pain. When I went to find Mom they couldn't locate her! It took about 20 minutes before they finally realized where she was. She was doing great after her procedure and was able to be taken home at about 11:45. I took her back to my house and she laid on the couch and watched TV and doze. I had to pick up Abby from school at 2:30. An old friend was coming by to take a look at the house at 3:30 because she and her husband are looking for a place to rent. By 4 pm it was time to go pick up David from college. On the way back we took Mom home since she was feeling better and wanted to be in her own home.
The kids and I stopped at King Soopers to get dinner makings. I was craving making bacon cheeseburgers so that's what we did. It really hit the spot. I know I shouldn't be eating a big meal but I really love food and have been food-deprived for a couple months now. It really was a good burger. The kids and I didn't get any more packing done that day. Days like this with all this running around, I just can't get anything accomplished that I need to.
5th DAY OF RADIATION
Wednesday October 1, 2014
My radiation appointment wasn't as long today. One of the nurses let me know that each week I'd need to go get lab work done so they could keep an eye on my blood counts, and that I could do it whenever was convenient for me. I decided that Tuesdays would be my lab days.
They also had me meet with my radiation oncologist doc after my appointment and he said he'd meet with me each Wednesday to see how I'm doing. He said the results of my ultrasound were all clear, nothing to worry about. So that was good. I let him know I'd been having abdominal pain, but that I'd also been eating more normal since I started feeling better last week. He said it's still a little too early for it to be due to the radiation yet, but that in time I would be feeling more pain because of it. We talked about my slowed bowel movements and how that was likely causing me pain because of how large the tumor is and taking up a lot of room in there. I told him I'd been using Miralax and that it helped, and he said to continue doing that. I didn't have as much pain today. He gave me a pep talk and said that I was doing great so far. WEIGHT 139.7
My radiation appointment wasn't as long today. One of the nurses let me know that each week I'd need to go get lab work done so they could keep an eye on my blood counts, and that I could do it whenever was convenient for me. I decided that Tuesdays would be my lab days.
They also had me meet with my radiation oncologist doc after my appointment and he said he'd meet with me each Wednesday to see how I'm doing. He said the results of my ultrasound were all clear, nothing to worry about. So that was good. I let him know I'd been having abdominal pain, but that I'd also been eating more normal since I started feeling better last week. He said it's still a little too early for it to be due to the radiation yet, but that in time I would be feeling more pain because of it. We talked about my slowed bowel movements and how that was likely causing me pain because of how large the tumor is and taking up a lot of room in there. I told him I'd been using Miralax and that it helped, and he said to continue doing that. I didn't have as much pain today. He gave me a pep talk and said that I was doing great so far. WEIGHT 139.7
4th DAY OF RADIATION
Today is Tuesday September 30, 2014. I had my radiation at my normal scheduled time today, 1:45. I like that because I get to leave work early and just go home afterwards. They called me in right as I got there today but my appointment took a little longer than usual because they wanted to do some more x-rays. Tuesdays will be x-ray days.
For some reason they didn't have me positioned exactly correctly and they had to stop the machine and come in and reposition me. A few minutes after starting again, they stopped, came back in, and then repositioned me again. Finally it was correct and the machine went through its rounds and finished with me. But the whole process of x-rays plus all the extra repositionings made it extra long. I didn't get out of there until 2:20. That was a really long time to be laying in that uncomfortable position.
On the drive home my abdomen started really hurting. It was a pain I'd never had before. There was just this generalized ache in my entire abdomen, not like I felt as if I'd be sick but just an icky feeling. All I wanted to do was go home and lie down. But I had to pick up Abby from high school. Then we stopped by home so I could grab the child support check to deposit. We drove to the bank, and I took out my rent payment (hopefully my last rent payment since we will be moving in October!). Then we had to drop off a couple of David's rented college books at the UPS store. Then over to King Soopers to get a few things. Then up to the college to pick up David. Then home. I got dinner into the oven and then noticed I had a message from a pharmacy in Boulder saying that they were working with my insurance to get something approved. I called my oncologist's office to ask if that was about my chemo pills, the Xeloda. I was told that they were having trouble getting my insurance to approve and cover the pills, but that they were working on it. "Don't worry, we'll fix this. They can't deny this, you need it, so we'll get this straightened out. I'll call you in a few days." After that I had to get all the set-up for giving David a hair cut. I've been cutting his hair for years now, saves me a lot of money. And I do a really great job!
By the time I got done with David's head and beard my gut was hurting so badly I could barely walk, but a mom's work is never done. I am always happy to be taking care of my kids. That's what I'm here for. So finally around 5:30 I got to just sit on the couch with a heating pad on my belly.
For some reason they didn't have me positioned exactly correctly and they had to stop the machine and come in and reposition me. A few minutes after starting again, they stopped, came back in, and then repositioned me again. Finally it was correct and the machine went through its rounds and finished with me. But the whole process of x-rays plus all the extra repositionings made it extra long. I didn't get out of there until 2:20. That was a really long time to be laying in that uncomfortable position.
On the drive home my abdomen started really hurting. It was a pain I'd never had before. There was just this generalized ache in my entire abdomen, not like I felt as if I'd be sick but just an icky feeling. All I wanted to do was go home and lie down. But I had to pick up Abby from high school. Then we stopped by home so I could grab the child support check to deposit. We drove to the bank, and I took out my rent payment (hopefully my last rent payment since we will be moving in October!). Then we had to drop off a couple of David's rented college books at the UPS store. Then over to King Soopers to get a few things. Then up to the college to pick up David. Then home. I got dinner into the oven and then noticed I had a message from a pharmacy in Boulder saying that they were working with my insurance to get something approved. I called my oncologist's office to ask if that was about my chemo pills, the Xeloda. I was told that they were having trouble getting my insurance to approve and cover the pills, but that they were working on it. "Don't worry, we'll fix this. They can't deny this, you need it, so we'll get this straightened out. I'll call you in a few days." After that I had to get all the set-up for giving David a hair cut. I've been cutting his hair for years now, saves me a lot of money. And I do a really great job!
By the time I got done with David's head and beard my gut was hurting so badly I could barely walk, but a mom's work is never done. I am always happy to be taking care of my kids. That's what I'm here for. So finally around 5:30 I got to just sit on the couch with a heating pad on my belly.
3rd DAY OF RADIATION
Today is Monday, September 29, 2014. I don't have radiation on the weekends, so that's why today is my third dose, but I still take the chemo pills. This morning at work I got a call from the radiation department asking if I could come in early today for my treatment because someone else was having a special procedure done before my scheduled time and they thought it might run late. Since I was already scheduled to have the ultrasound (to rule out a possible blood clot) at 10:45, I said I could come in at 10:15.
Lucky for me I have such a great job that they can accommodate me this way. I left my desk at about 10:10 and walked over to the radiation oncology department. They remembered I was uncomfortable before, so today they worked on positioning me better. It was just a matter of moving the face rest so that it wasn't pressing on my throat. Having it press on my cheeks is only slightly better. It's just not a comfortable nor natural position to be in. My arms have to be raised forward and there's an open space below the face rest where my hands can sit. But the table I lay on is so hard. There's a hard board running under my shoulders and collar bone, and then one under my pelvic bones. But all in all, today was much better.
After my radiation I got to meet with a dietitian and she said we'd meet every Monday. She asked how I was feeling and I told her I'd been having a lot of stomach pain, where it feels like everything just closed shop and stopped working in there. I told her I had only been eating one small meal a day. She said she wanted me to try eating little snacks throughout the day instead of even a small meal, and she gave me a list of healthy snack ideas.
After that I walked through the hospital over to Registration and sat and waited for my ultrasound. There was a middle-aged man in a wheelchair also waiting. He made a comment about a couple little girls who were running around, something like he was enjoying their energy. I got up and sat next to him so I could hear him better and because he looked like a nice person to talk to. I figured we could chat. And we did. He was instantly warm and friendly and we chatted about why we were each there. He gave me a pep talk, the usual I get from everybody, that I'm young and will be able to beat my cancer.
Then he said, "You also have three people watching over you." No wonder I had a feeling I would like talking to him. I said, "Are you psychic?" And he said yes, he was a psychic medium. I told him that I too am psychic and have been studying my own abilities for years now. I said to him, "You know, I've had psychic awareness of other medical issues with me but I never had any idea that I had cancer. Out of all them this was the biggest and I can't believe I didn't know it." He said maybe it was because those incidents were not life threatening, and that he never could get psychic information on himself, only other people. I guess I know what he means. At first I was so angry about having cancer and afraid of dying young. I couldn't believe that that was what was meant for me. In the first few days after my diagnosis I learned it doesn't have to be that way because my cancer was not only treatable but also curable. I quickly made peace within myself about it. For whatever reason, this is what I'm going through right now in my life. Instead of placing my conscious focus in a state of anger and worry, I've switched gears to focusing on the here and now. Whatever I gotta do to get through this. That's my focus.
I asked him what he meant that there were three people watching over me, and he began to tell me that one of them was my great great grandmother. Just then one of the registration people came over to call him into the office, and I said, "Wait! I want to still talk with you. Do you have an email address?" And he said it for me and I went to the registration desk to borrow a pen to write it down. That was pretty neat, running into someone with my abilities. People don't normally just talk so openly that way.
My ultrasound experience was relaxing. Got to lay on a table in a semi-dark room while the technician rubbed the transducer up and down my leg with all that gel. I could have gone to sleep! Even though she tucked a towel around my undies to keep them from getting gel on them, I was left with splooges of gel on them. I walked back toward my office and stopped in the restroom to try to clean up a little bit.
Lucky for me I have such a great job that they can accommodate me this way. I left my desk at about 10:10 and walked over to the radiation oncology department. They remembered I was uncomfortable before, so today they worked on positioning me better. It was just a matter of moving the face rest so that it wasn't pressing on my throat. Having it press on my cheeks is only slightly better. It's just not a comfortable nor natural position to be in. My arms have to be raised forward and there's an open space below the face rest where my hands can sit. But the table I lay on is so hard. There's a hard board running under my shoulders and collar bone, and then one under my pelvic bones. But all in all, today was much better.
After my radiation I got to meet with a dietitian and she said we'd meet every Monday. She asked how I was feeling and I told her I'd been having a lot of stomach pain, where it feels like everything just closed shop and stopped working in there. I told her I had only been eating one small meal a day. She said she wanted me to try eating little snacks throughout the day instead of even a small meal, and she gave me a list of healthy snack ideas.
After that I walked through the hospital over to Registration and sat and waited for my ultrasound. There was a middle-aged man in a wheelchair also waiting. He made a comment about a couple little girls who were running around, something like he was enjoying their energy. I got up and sat next to him so I could hear him better and because he looked like a nice person to talk to. I figured we could chat. And we did. He was instantly warm and friendly and we chatted about why we were each there. He gave me a pep talk, the usual I get from everybody, that I'm young and will be able to beat my cancer.
Then he said, "You also have three people watching over you." No wonder I had a feeling I would like talking to him. I said, "Are you psychic?" And he said yes, he was a psychic medium. I told him that I too am psychic and have been studying my own abilities for years now. I said to him, "You know, I've had psychic awareness of other medical issues with me but I never had any idea that I had cancer. Out of all them this was the biggest and I can't believe I didn't know it." He said maybe it was because those incidents were not life threatening, and that he never could get psychic information on himself, only other people. I guess I know what he means. At first I was so angry about having cancer and afraid of dying young. I couldn't believe that that was what was meant for me. In the first few days after my diagnosis I learned it doesn't have to be that way because my cancer was not only treatable but also curable. I quickly made peace within myself about it. For whatever reason, this is what I'm going through right now in my life. Instead of placing my conscious focus in a state of anger and worry, I've switched gears to focusing on the here and now. Whatever I gotta do to get through this. That's my focus.
I asked him what he meant that there were three people watching over me, and he began to tell me that one of them was my great great grandmother. Just then one of the registration people came over to call him into the office, and I said, "Wait! I want to still talk with you. Do you have an email address?" And he said it for me and I went to the registration desk to borrow a pen to write it down. That was pretty neat, running into someone with my abilities. People don't normally just talk so openly that way.
My ultrasound experience was relaxing. Got to lay on a table in a semi-dark room while the technician rubbed the transducer up and down my leg with all that gel. I could have gone to sleep! Even though she tucked a towel around my undies to keep them from getting gel on them, I was left with splooges of gel on them. I walked back toward my office and stopped in the restroom to try to clean up a little bit.
FINALLY TIME FOR SOME UPDATES
It's been a few days since I've updated because I've been so busy with the move. Last week I was off work. Had a few friends show up Saturday, Oct 11, to help and that was awesome. Everything went smoothly and we were done in 6 hours. The rest of that week was spent cleaning my rental house and running back and forth between both houses and trying to get somewhat unpacked, at least enough to get by. I've been stressed out worrying that my landlords won't find a new tenant by the first of November, which will mean I'll have to pay another month's rent. Anyway, I'll do a day-day-day update to get caught up.
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