12th DAY OF RADIATION

Friday, October 10, 2014

Tomorrow is the day of the big move, where several friends have volunteered to come help.  U-Haul, storage unit, pickup trucks, loads to the Good Will.  It will be a busy day.  I scheduled Comcast today to come to Mom's and transfer my service to her house and to install a TV cable in one room and Internet cable in another.  Comcast was sucking more than usual today.  Weeks ago when I scheduled the transfer I was told to pick when I wanted my service changed so I picked the 10 am to 12 pm slot.  Of course that means they turn off your connection at 1 am, not 10 am and that I was supposed to just magically know that.  Of course it would have been nice had I been informed that that's how it works.  And of course the Comcast technicians two boys who looked no more than 18 years old) showed up at 12:30 pm instead of anywhere between 10 and 12 like they were supposed to.  They were still at Mom’s house when it was time for me to leave for my radiation treatment, so I called and asked if I could come an hour later.  It was fine.  It was good I stayed because now we have the new “cloud” DVRs and the X1 something or other.  Anyway, it’s all new to me and they had to give me a tutorial on how to operate the TV.

When I got to my appointment a woman was also waiting for radiation.  I could tell she had breast cancer since she was wearing a gown.  (All I have to do is pull my pants and undies down).  She asked me how I was handling everything and if the treatment was making me tired.  I told her how I was in the middle of moving and that I didn’t have time to even think about my cancer or treatment, and that I can’t really tell which is making me more tired.  I think it’s good that I’m so busy and keeping my mind off my health, but on the other hand I really do need to be taking more care of myself right now.  I know that I’m overdoing it.

Anyway, the woman was visibly still upset about her diagnosis, having already had surgery and now going through the chemo/radiation part.  We realized we'd been diagnosed pretty close to the same time.  Then she asked if I'd told anyone yet about my cancer, and I said, "I tell everybody."  She was surprised.  She said it took her a long time to even discuss it with her family, and that she doesn't want everyone she knows to know about it.  She said it's just too weird letting anyone know what she's going through.  I could tell she was still where I used to be in my fear of it all.  So I said, "I've found that mentioning it to anyone, even strangers, brings out a natural response of kind words of comfort.  It's painful and brings on the tears, but eventually your fear breaks down and you find it easier to accept the kindness and the comfort.  It helps bridge the gap of your old identity and your new present one.  No matter what, you need to make peace with it inside yourself, so every little bit of comfort really goes a long way toward that."  It really felt like what I said helped her.  I hope so.