Wednesday October 22, 2014
My period started last Sunday, and on last Wednesday when I saw my radiation oncologist doctor I mentioned that my period was very light, when typically it's quite heavy the first few days. He said that the radiation would sterilize me and lead me into an early menopause, so he wasn't surprised. I remember him mentioning that the first day we met, but I could tell that now with him bringing it up again he was trying to be sensitive to how that might make me feel. I reassured him that I couldn't care less. "Hey, I've done my part. I've had my babies. I'm done producing humans!" Then my period went on to continue for 9 days! It finally stopped yesterday.
The sloughing of dead tumor material seems to be coming more frequently. This morning when I got up for work I could tell that I needed to pass some. My gut hurts a certain way and I can tell that tissue is falling off. I have to push as if having a bowel movement to push it out, and it's only tumor material (not feces) that comes out. Sometimes it's only a few small pebble sized blobs, but sometimes it's as much as half a handful of material. I realize now that this material is what I was noticing coming out of me since last December, what I called the "bloody pus balls". Back then they were more white pus-like blobs with a little blood inside them. Now they are more completely reddish-pink blobs, but I can tell they have the same material makeup. Now I know what they are---the sloughing off of dead tissue from the chemo/radiation treatment.
Back as far as 9 months ago I suspected this material was some kind of "sloughing off" of something but I never realized nor suspected cancer. Maybe I'll consider somehow getting a photo of it to post on here. Not to be gross, but to be informative. Honestly. If there is someone out there who could see this material and who realizes they are seeing themselves passing the same kind of thing, it would be extremely beneficial in informing them of what they have and to seek medical attention sooner than I did.
I can't tell you how many Google search attempts I made trying to find out what in the hell was coming out of me. For all my descriptive combinations of attempts, the only information on the Internet I could find was along the lines of "Blood in your stools may be a sign of cancer." Well that was nonhelpful because I didn't have blood in my stools, not that I could see. I had these weird blobs of bloody-pus-like material coming out of me. A photo of exactly what I was experiencing was what I was looking for. Imagine a fluffy homemade dumpling that is floating in broth, and the edges look a little fraying, with a red tinge in the middle. These were coming out periodically for months, about the size of a garbanzo bean.
Anyway, so it's not alarming to be passing all this dead tissue now. It means my treatment is doing its job. I suppose the reason it was sloughing off months ago is just because tissue inside me was being destroyed by the cancer and falling off. Now the radiation is causing it to slough off even faster. That's great! I'm interested to see how much of the tumor (or how little of the tumor) is left after my treatment and before surgery. I don't know if they'll take another look inside me before surgery or just wait til surgery to see what's left in there. Someone asked me if the tumor shrinks enough to where it's gone, does it mean I still have to have surgery. The answer is, I still need surgery. And I still want surgery! You can't see every single cell, and you don't want anything to be missed that could start growing again.
I still have the dry-mouth side effect from my chemo pills. But after I drink a glass or two of water I'm fine. I just need to remember to do that several times a day. I usually don't remember until I feel the dry mouth.
The Aquaphor isn't helping much. I like Chap Stick more. My dry, cracked finger tips are improving because I'm constantly putting lip balm on them. I can tell now that this side effect is from the chemo and not just because of the weather or from last week's cleaning frenzy. My radiation doc looked at my fingers and said it's definitely from the Xeloda. The skin on several of my fingertips has peeled off several layers down to very red, tender skin that sometimes bleeds. It's extremely sensitive and painful to the touch. If I let them go without the lip balm, the edges of the peeled skin starts to dry and get hard, you're temped to want to peel it off, but that causes even more pain and worsening.
So what I've been doing is using an emery board to swiftly shave off that dry, stiff skin to where the surface of my fingertips is smooth----and yes it really hurts to do that, but it's worth it. And then I apply the lip balm. It means I can't touch anything unless I don't mind getting lip balm on everything I touch (keyboard, cell phone, etc) but I just apply it several times a day when I can sit and not have to be doing anything that requires fingertips. I do things differently to accommodate this. Like, you can drive with keeping your fingers pointed in the air. And I use a stylus on my cell phone. But the keyboard...I have to use my tips for that. Typing is slower because it really hurts. But if I have to mess up the balm or wash my hands after doing something, then as soon as I'm done I apply the balm again. It works incredibly well. The deep cracks are healing. The new skin is building up and being less sensitive. I'm not bleeding anymore. WEIGHT 134.6
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